I'll get straight to the point.
FIRST, I don't want to see those statuses showing how happy you are, how enjoyable it is, how it was life changing, how it was the best day of your life. I may be bitter but this hurts a lot. I didn't want my mom to be blamed for this, but uggghh. It really hurts.
SECOND, I wish I can turn back time. I wish I was there, with the pride march even though it would tan my skin more (thanks sunlight). I wish I was there doing talks, interviews, bondings, and photoshoots. I wish I was there with my friends waiting for the Arena to open. I wish I was there, having the time of my life, having nothing that can stop me from enjoying and celebrating what's really "me". I wish I was there seeing one of the people who influenced me, who made me feel better to be myself, who made me become I am today. I wish I was at the Born This Way Ball.
THIRD, Happy 1 Month Born This Way Ball Philippine Leg.
- - -
January 2011.
GREAT! I have money! I can buy nearly anything I want but I did want to save it for three items: A Lady Gaga merchandise or album, Makeup, or a ticket to see her show (if she would come and visit here). Obviously, I didn't really think about she going here because I was clueless at that time. So, what I did was to buy some makeup and some accessories (I didnt really want to, I'd rather choose the GAGA stuff but my mom would let me explain after).
April 2011.
There it is, it's officially announced that Gaga is going to Manila. Of course I'm happy, I'm bragging to my cousins that I'll really be coming. This is once in a lifetime. I'll really buy that ticket. I was really confident that time until I checked my wallet. No money. No anything. Just some pictures and TimeZone cards.
I'M RUINED, I thought.
How am I going to get my ticket? How am I going to see Gaga? Will I be able to make my friends down by not showing up? Will I be able to talk to my cousins again because I've been to proud and braggy about myself?
So what I did, first thing, was to get a freelance job. A big one. Easy but big in benefits. I asked my college friends if they knew about a job that I can take for them. Sadly, all of them said no. That made me feel very very defeated. Like I was holding on to a piece of thread, but because I am very heavy, it just snapped through the middle.
But I didn't give up. I posted on my facebook and twitter accounts if some people would like me to make their websites, their setcards, photoshoots, etc. Some have contacted me but they just made me their second choice. Fine, I thought. I'm just really nothing. N O T H I N G.
That's it. This is the end. I'll end up being in the province with my cousins because It's my grandmother's death anniversary. But then, mom gave me a talk.
She saw me using the computer with a very flat and sad face. She came over and told me that if I really wanted to watch that concert. Of course I explained to her how much that would mean to me, and everything, also told her that she didn't let me see her in her first concert here (The Fame Ball). She wanted to buy me a ticket but I quickly hesitated. Not because I didn't watch the concert anymore. Not because I wanted to the province instead. It's because I didn't want my mom to be spending that ridiculous amount of money that would just be spent on one night. I'd rather work hard for something I really want.
I was crying, yes, but I told mom that... I didn't want to go to the concert anymore.
Because I really wanted what my mom wants for me. Because some of my family members hate Lady Gaga and even asks me to stop listening to her because she's a demon. Because I love my family so much, even though it really hurts not to watch my idol on that stage.
MAY 18, 2012
We went to the province on this day. I was crying when we left home. I was crying when we were at the ferry. I was crying when we arrived. I was crying when I'm about to go to sleep that night.
Our stay there was really enjoyable but it was incomplete.
I watched TV and I saw Lady Gaga arriving at Shang. She was very very pretty. :( My cousin works there so she saw her. Lucky bitch. Then came the protesters and the bitches who wanted to stop the concert. I didn't mind because I wasn't there to defend Gaga.
MAY 21, 2012
This is it. The big day. I spent the whole day in my room, sleeping. I didn't want anyone disturbing me and I didn't want anyone telling me that it's Gaga's concert tonight.
8:00 PM, I thought, it's showtime. Gaga's concert is really happening. So I got up, got a DVD player and watched the monsterball. Even though it really hurts inside, I felt like I was really watching her. All by myself. Crying.
"The Monsterball WILL SET YOU FREE, LITTLE MONSTERS!"
MAY 24, 2012.
We went back to Manila. When we arrived, my cousin PMed me at Facebook. He said...
"Sean, why arent you here on May 21? You had a ticket, our other cousin wanted to give it to you but you weren't here!"
Till the next post,
